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SOTU Drinking Game

The 2005 State of the Union Drinking Game</font>

Compiled by serenity_valley, a wise, witty and politically aware friend of mine, who, ironically, doesn’t drink...but, facing the next four years, is considering it.

  • Bush enters the room with a smirk: 1 drink

  • The top of Cheney’s head comes off and the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse gallop out: 2 drinks

  • Camera flashes to Kerry, looking both gracious and presidential: raise your glass in honor of what might’ve been, then chug that sucker for how things actually are

  • Camera flashes to Cheney, DeLay, Frist, or Laura immediately after: 1 drink

  • Camera flashes to all four in succession: 1 drink for each

  • Camera flashes to Laura with the glazed expression of a dead fish…as usual: 1 drink

  • Camera catches Condi blowing Bush a kiss: finish it off

  • The Bush twins look like they’ve already tied one on: 1 for each twin

  • Like they’ve tied on more than one: 2 for each twin

  • Republicans insist on stretching the standing ovation out far longer than necessary: 1 drink/minute

  • Camera flashes to Clinton, Kennedy, and Boxer: raise your fist in solidarity and down whatever’s left

  • Bush starts off with a joke, then smirks and mutters that stupid “heh heh” laugh like a snotty five year-old who’s impressed with himself for not missing the toilet bowl...shut up, George: 1 drink

  • Republicans laugh like he’s a standup comic...shut up, Republican Party: </b>1 drink</b>

  • Bush says “freedom” or “liberty”: 1 drink, but pace yourself, it’s a long speech

  • Puts them in the same sentence: huzzah, it’s a twofer, make it a double!

  • </li>Pauses and squints after barely pronouncing a hard word. Like, say, “competent”: 1 small drink</li>
  • Resembles a retarded chimpanzee while doing it: small sip. Seriously.

  • </li>Camera changes angles to check for signs of the earpiece: 2 drinks</li>
  • Camera immediately flashes to Rove: 2 drinks

  • Rove’s lips are moving: down that bad boy and signal the bartender for another

  • Rove makes you think of a pedophile: break out the hard liquor, it’s the only thing that’ll keep that image from haunting you in your dreams

  • Bush trots out weird-ass plans that top steroids testing of baseball players: 1 drink and snark at will

  • Bush points to the guy in uniform seated behind Laura: 1 drink

  • Bush’s expression that he fancies himself as much a hero as the guy he’s saluting: 1 drink and suck on a lemon wedge to get the taste of disgust out of your mouth

  • Fake tear in the corner of his eye: roll your eyes and take a swig. Shut up, George.

  • Camera pans to Cheney: drink long and hard to quiet the wailing and gnashing of teeth in the background

  • Bush forgets the Republican talking points on Social Security and refers to the Republican plan as “privatization”: 3 drinks and shout at the TV, “there is no crisis”

  • Karl Rove pounds his head with frustration: score! Chug it like a locomotive.

  • Bush accidentally refers to Cheney as Senator Palpatine: 2 drinks using the Force, young Padawan

With any luck, you’ve now passed out.




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