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This Place

It crossed my mind that yesterday's outburst of hysterical haiku could be one of those indicators that I need some time away from work.

So I took some.

Seventy miles east of Portland, a loop of the old Columbia River Highway climbs to Rowena Plateau. A nondescript gravel turnout with a leaning sign is the only indicator that beyond the wire fence is the Tom McCall Wildlife Preserve.

I've spent some powerful moments of my life up on Rowena, and it occurred to me today that I might not have too many chances to come this way again, since a private car is the only way to get there.

I had the whole place to myself.

I sat under my favorite scrub oaks, out on the jut of the last cliff, several hundred feet above the river. That's all. Just sat. Waited for whatever it was I needed.

It was hot and bone-dry. There was no wind. A pair of hawks came out hunting about the time all the bees were breaking for siesta. A couple of tiny freight trains went by over on the Washington side.

I'm not sure what happened to the time. I sat there until I had a feeling that I'd recapitulated my whole life so far, zapped out some stuck places, communed with an angel or two, rewired part of my DNA, spoken to at least one ascended master, and sketched a plan for the rest of my life.

I sat there until my legs were sunburned and my eyes were full of vitamin D and everything in me was hot and completely still. I sat there for three hours.

I sat there, in short, until I'd cleared my mind.

Then I stood up in the rising breeze, waved at the hawks, and drove home.

There is this cave
In the air behind my body
That nobody is going to touch:
A cloister, a silence,
Closing around a blossom of fire.
When I stand upright in the wind
My bones turn to dark emeralds.

--James Wright, "The Jewel"


( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 6th, 2008 05:02 am (UTC)
Wow. I'm floating away with you and the hawks. What an amazing and sacred place you found! And I love that poem!!!! I'm so glad you did that for yourself sweetheart. *hugs you and squeezes you and places expensive chocolate in your mouth*
Aug. 6th, 2008 05:11 am (UTC)
Oooh, thanks! That would have been some damned melty chocolate today--it was a hundred degrees up there.

It was a good day. The hawks did four or five flyovers. I thought of you each time!
Aug. 6th, 2008 07:15 am (UTC)
Oh thank goodness you found somewhere like that. I know just what you mean. I hope you will rent a car, sometimes, so that you can still return to places like this.
Aug. 6th, 2008 06:59 pm (UTC)
It seems almost certain that I will. Living in a city in a valley, I find that I can't carry on for more than a few months at a time without reconnecting to mountains, ocean, or desert.
Aug. 6th, 2008 04:19 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad you were able to take the time that you so sorely needed to heal your soul that is being so damaged by the toxic work environment. I am fascinated to hear that you had a sense of "sketching a plan" for your entire future. I certainly want to hear more about that aspect! I've felt so lost and useless myself lately that I can totaly relate to your place right now.

Glad you had the time and took the time for yourself! You deservie it. *hugs, kisses and more hugs*
Aug. 6th, 2008 06:13 pm (UTC)
The planning my future thing was actually kind of tongue-in-cheek, but yeah, big download of ideas and information, most of which I'm still unrolling.

Mostly, it was about resolving the "broken place" at the core of my being, the hole that all my beliefs and ideas get sucked into eventually.

I think everything else--what to do, who to be, how to live--all falls into place.

We should talk real soon.
(Deleted comment)
Aug. 6th, 2008 09:38 pm (UTC)
I kind of was too. There's something about hawks gliding on hot summer thermals that is just plain poetic. It was a great day.
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )



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