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I'm Swiss.

I just watched Bill Maher's "I'm Swiss" (And Other Treasonous Statements), a DVD of a live show from March 2005.

I recommend the show on general principles--he's funny, reliably politically incorrect, smart, blasphemous, and wonderfully foulmouthed while managing not to be mean-spirited--and because it was filmed right here in Stumptown and kind of showcases the awesomeness of Portland's progressive audiences.

But mostly I wanted to share the segment called "It's the Food".

Last year Congress passed this giant Medicare entitlement prescription drug bill, because it's important to keep our seniors high. And it's going to cost literally trillions and trillions of dollars.

And while they were debating this, no one ever stood up and said, "Excuse me! Why are we so sick? Could it be 'cause we eat like Caligula?"

The top five of those prescription drugs that are so popular? They're all antacids, anti-bloating medicines, digestive aids--all things to put out the fire in our stomach from the poison that we call lunch.

Folks, it's the food.

I know people hate to hear that, but when you look at those ads on the evening news at night--people farting and burping and bloating--it's just shit trying to get OUT of you! Take a hint!

Look at the burping and the farting and the bloating. It's the food. Honestly, you're not going to die from second-hand smoke, or SARS, or monkey-pox. It's the food. The call is coming from inside the house. I'm telling you.

The killer is not West Nile or avian flu or shark attacks. It's the buffalo wings.

It's the Aspartame and the Nutrasweet and the Red Dye Number Two and the high-fructose corn syrup and the MSG and the chlorine, and whatever shit is in Special Sauce. It's the steroids, the hormones and the antibiotics that are in the beef...

We feed cows too sick to stand, to people too fat to walk. And then we wonder why these diseases spring up--mad cow, AIDS and ebola.

You know, nature--it doesn't ask a lot. It really doesn't. Don't grind up the cattle and feed them back to each other. And don't fuck the monkeys. You know--not big requests.

And don't be gluttons. Gluttons. I read that in 1950, the average American ate six pounds of cheese a year. Now, it's 30. In 1900, the average woman's shoe size was 4. In 1980 it was 7. Now it's 9. We are evolving into a completely new species, with giant webbed feet to support our massive girth.

Seating has needed to be expanded everywhere in America in the last ten years. On buses, and planes and in stadiums and everywhere. If you invested in any sort of ass-widening technology in the 90s, you did very well. Hospital beds, gurneys, wheelchairs...caskets were not ample enough. Cemeteries have had to increase the size of the plots. We don't even fit into the ground. That's bad.

'Bout sums it up, I'd say. Good job, Bill.



( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 18th, 2008 04:43 am (UTC)
Not sure whether to laugh...or cry. Will definitely add that into the ol' Netflix queue, thanks.
Jun. 18th, 2008 05:13 pm (UTC)
I was pleasantly surprised. As bloodyminded and foul-mouthed as he is, he's not mean or crazy. He's incisive and funny, and you're left with the impression that he really does care about the stuff he's ranting about.
(Deleted comment)
Jun. 18th, 2008 05:10 pm (UTC)
The whole 90-minute rant is laced with similar belly laughs. His delivery is half of it. Personally, I had a near wine-screen moment at "We don't even fit into the ground."

Maher, a (very left-leaning) Libertarian, rants about current events in general with the most foul-mouthed glee imaginable. He's very funny. Worth a look. Some of it's on YouTube: Part 1 and Part 2.
Jun. 18th, 2008 04:38 pm (UTC)
OMG! The truth in the form of humor. Maybe if people are laughing they will hear it subconsciously and actually demand some changes, or better yet, make some changes. It's all frighteningly true! I've commented to my hubby so many times that I can't figure out when gluttony became the accepted way of being. The commercials that show hamburgers being devoured like they haven't eaten in two months. Food dripping out of their mouths like slovenly pigs. I'm sorry, pigs actually eat with more manners. I definitely will be putting this one on my Netflix que.
Jun. 18th, 2008 04:53 pm (UTC)
Maher is a great ranter. He's really very, very foul-mouthed--but he just does it so--I don't know--joyously that he makes you laugh.

This show is more than three years old now, so parts of it are a little dated, politically. But he's still right-on in most of his views. I think you guys would enjoy it.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )



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